Feb 2nd … What a difference a day makes.
I owe my fans so much. And I have them, real ones. People who would fill a cabaret at $25 a head in the middle of a depression. How can that not renew even the most tired soul?
And I did it. I pulled off the day. Meetings, radio show with bosses listening, sold out Rrazz room, dinner with friends, yes friends I’ve made in San Francisco. The audience liked it so I must have been ok. And I have to give myself that finally. Not in a cocky way but I at least have to know I got this. Nerves aside and all I got this.I can entertain it seems. Not always but more times than not.
Reality is here. A bill collector rings me on the Bart on my way to the airport. Do you know when you’ll be making your enormous payment sir? No, actually, I don’t. But oh well. That is reality now it won’t always be, I hope, because I can do this on THAT level.
Paths. I’ve thought a lot about them over the last few days. Karen’s, mine, those of cabin drivers, the homeless guitar player coughing wildly at the Powell street entrance to the Bart. Each is on a path, a unique one, uncontrollable by me, even my own to some degree. I have set up a different life, I’m a different person. I’m not Karen, cancer may not await and my senior years may, in fact be happy ones. I’m not the millions that never make it; I’ve worked my ass off in radio, in print, on stage and even tv and gotten noticed a little. I have something to build upon it’s not too late to try, or keep trying. In fact, it’s all I, you, we, have.
I don’t know the financial reality of the next six months. Will add be sold? Will more stations take the show? Will it work out? Will tv or other things happen? I honestly don’t know any more but al. I do know is there are thousands of people hoping for me that it will. And today, I’m one of them.
But how? What path to choose. Professionally. Personally? How do I find those four people that could change my world? Today I don’t know. But I know that I must. With help. Whose? I don’t know. Yet. But I’m putting it out there.